Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
