Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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