Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
send nudes
from the living room?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
