I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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