Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
