I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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