I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize