he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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