You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
