had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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