His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sarcasm needs its own font
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
