my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
