hotel room ftw
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
