Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was born a porn star she said
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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