I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
