@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
