rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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