Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
