Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
