i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
