break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
