I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
