And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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