I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
