made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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