Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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