"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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