this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
