i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
