You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
