Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
