Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize