hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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