she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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