that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
