Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
