I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize