Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm always down for nudity.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
