I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
