i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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