So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
