So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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