if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
