So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
