Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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