True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
