in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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