He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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