I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
