I didn't shave. On purpose
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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