My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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