I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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