Tell her she can't have a vagina
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
