i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
