thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize