yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
