I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
