I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
