i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
