ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
