i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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