Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
