I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
