i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
