I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
