She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
