So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
