Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
