my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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