How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
