No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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