God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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