I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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