I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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