just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
