Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
