Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
