This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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