My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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