two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
